Save Our Spirits



Dedicated to helping you get in touch with your spirit and with life again.
Dedicated to promoting wellness and a sense of being whole in all areas of our lives.
Dedicated to helping people live their lives joyfully, strongly, fully and freely.

Become whole. Become who you are in the here and now.
Become who you were created to be - a reflection of love.
   Heal your body.      Heal your mind.      Heal your soul.
 

We Remain Silent



       

 Any of you see suffering here....

       or do I look FINE to you on the outside...







TO 
   THOSE 
          WHO 
            REMAIN    
               SILENT...
In my own life I found that the more I tried to hide and to be safe, the worse things got for me. Hiding, ignoring and denial worked for a time but eventually it all came crashing down upon me. Silence, denial and sticking our heads in the sand will work for a time but pretty soon something will come knocking on your door in an attempt to strongly get your attention and to let you know that changes are needed. The more we ignore what is happening the worse things will get and soon something will be knocking on our doors to get our attention. We can make some easier changes now by choice or some harder changes later by force in some way. I know that it took a proverbial "2x4" to the head to get me to make some changes. I hope that what I have presented here will make those changes easier for you. It is easier to stay in the misery that we know than venture out to make changes and go into the unknown but I can tell you that if you can conquer your fears and venture out to play, you may very well find adventure, life  and really living beyond what you ever imagined life could ever be. Isn't that worth the risk?

One of the reasons that I self-medicated is so that I could shut down my mind. I could no longer feel my heart or my feelings and my mind was out of control. It never stopped thinking and it drove me slightly crazy I am sure. I think that in order to be healthy, one needs a balance between the heart and the mind, with maybe a little more heart than mind. Anyways, as a result of all of these efforts I now feel a much better balance between my heart and my mind and it is safe to let my mind come out and play these days. Just a thought for all of you out there that might have the same difficulty...

To all those people who are uncomfortable with their feelings or their life yet remain silent:

Please try to understand that a lack of communication, lack of skills and an inability to have healthy emotional support are responsible for a whole lot of suffering in this world. I spent years and years and years in horrible pain and emotional suffering because I was sorely lacking in some very important parts of life, namely love, support and emotional skills. This might be uncomfortable for you to hear but your children or other family members are suffering and your desire in some instances to remain silent, sweep things under the rug or ignore the problem, is only making things worse. You brought us into this world and yet many still refuse to see that their children are suffering horribly or assist them emotionally because they cannot get past their own fears or pride or whatever it is that is keeping them silent about their suffering or the suffering of their children. We suffer and you look the other way and refuse to help us the way we need help the most - emotionally.

Maybe you don't even know the suffering when you see it.

Right now, I have compassion for your pain and silence but I do not have much patience for your silence.

The following is taken from the book as I do understand where you are coming from:

There will be nobody forcing you to do anything that will

get you out of your safe and comfortable spot. You make the choices here.

Even if you are miserable, sometimes that is safer than what you do not know.

Whether you stay or go it is up to you.

I know just how hard it is to overcome fear and to face the pain in life.

I know also just how hard it is to face so much pain that life becomes unbearable.

I also know that to hide is a slow numbing of life and a slow snuffing out of ourselves.

I think we numb ourselves or slowly try to kill ourselves while at the same time

we continue to hope that we can find something somewhere in the meantime to cure us.

The fear of facing ourselves or our pain has simply gotten to be too much to handle.

I know because I didn’t know how to handle my pain.

I didn’t know that there were other ways to make it go away

or get better besides drugs, alcohol and medications.

Even then, I was still afraid. I just couldn’t stand to be in pain anymore.



Silence changes nothing. To watch yourself suffer, then to watch your children suffer and then to watch your grandchildren suffer and stay silent as they destroy themselves brings no changes or improvements to anyone's life. I find compassion but not patience at the moment for those who say they love their children, others or family members but yet can ignore them and can find no courage to make any kind of changes in their lives and to sweep it all under the rug. That is why things continue to get worse and worse with each generation. Where is your compassion for our suffering as you silently watch us kill ourselves, sometimes slowly over the years and sometimes very quickly? We looked to you for answers and for support emotionally and there was little to none to be found.

I know that parents love their children and I know that brothers love sisters, children love parents, and there is love in families. However, there is a lack of healthy communication and other skills that have been missing from many of our lives. These are patterns that have continued generation after generation down the family line. Everyone is suffering and they don't know what to do to stop the suffering or how to make their lives better. I think one of the hardest things to do is to try to face your own pain and suffering, for any of us, because we are so uncomfortable with our feelings, with speaking up and with being heard or feeling like we don't matter. Everyone feels hurt and like they don't matter. Our parents may have felt that they didn't matter to their parents or they may have felt that remaining silent was a way to be safe from an abusive parent. There are many reasons for being quiet but silence changes nothing. It is difficult to change. It does take effort. It does hurt at times but I can also tell you that there is joy to be found. There is love to be found again. There is living to be found again instead of just surviving.There is laughter to be found again. Relationships buckle at times and get messy but then they are stronger for everyone having found some voice and some release of all the anger, frustration and silence. The rewards are so great if you could only see that possibility.  

I went looking for God because I needed Him to be real. I needed a parent who could show me the way, teach me that He would not leave me when I was angry or upset, be totally honest with me, teach me boundaries and teach me about love and understanding, among other things that I needed because I couldn't find those things here and I was too scared to trust anyone but God.

Please recognize that many depressed, mentally ill and suicidal people that I have seen and talked to DO NOT feel loved and supported by their family. They are loved but many family members would rather ignore the problem or get angry than face their own feelings or those of their children or family members but that will not help the situation. Try not to get angry at this statement. Take a good honest look at your style of communication and whether there is really a supportive emotional environment in your family and home or not. Do you really listen to each other? Do you really hear what the other person is trying to say?  It is sometimes worse and more lonely to be with people, especially family, that don't really talk or listen to you than to be with strangers. The feelings of isolation and excruciating emotional pain can be lessened by learning new coping skills, healthier communication skills and other things to help one become emotionally stronger.

I don't understand at the moment why I was alllowed to suffer so much by my parents or by God. I was ignored for the most part by my parents when I was ill even though they were aware of the problem. Mostly I think they were uncomfortable with their own feelings. Okay, but what about me. I didn't ask to be brought into this world and now that I am suffering because of the silence, and have suffered horribly most of my life, I get ignored or yelled at or worst of all, more silence about me trying to help people or what I am doing with my life because it makes people uncomfortable. I have such difficulty getting past those old patterns that have been with me my whole life. That is one of the hardest things to do. I cannot make others change but I can show them that there is another way and I can speak so I try to do both in the hope that future generations will have to suffer less.

There seems to be a stunned silence out there after many read this site. I think that this is because if you take away any reason for a chemical imbalance or a physical basis for your symptoms, what is left? This would mean of course, that you would have to look elsewhere for the causes of your pain and distress. So, where might that be?

I think it is also because we have been lied to for too long by those we trusted to help us with our suffering and to guide and protect us. That alone is a betrayal of our trust and it breaks our hearts. We don't understand.

I find compassion for you because I know how scary it is to look closely at your life when you are not used to being so intimate with yourself or others. Take away all of the sex, the money, health, the material things and everything else and you are left to face yourself. A scary place indeed at times.

I was uncomfortable and desperate enough to go looking for solutions. What about you? You have every opportunity to make choices in your life as much as I did. Sometimes I feel more alone than ever because I changed and others either don't want to or they are unable for one reason or another. Many choose to do nothing at all but continue in the silence and the misery - too wounded, too afraid and weak to do anything but try to survive and do the best they can every day. I understand that your misery is safe though and a lot less scary than the unknown.

The first step is the hardest but it gets easier after that one step.


I was very, very angry for a long time at my parents because I felt that they had left out a very important part of my upbringing by not teaching me skills and the things that I needed for a healthier emotional life. I felt that they should have known what they needed to know before they had kids so that they could teach them the important skills in life that they needed. Perhaps this is not realistic but how could such important skills get left out of my upbringing? I was so hurt by the emotional pain that this lack of skills caused in my life.While I do not blame them because they didn't know how to teach me, most of my life was still very, very painful for me as a result of the lack of emotional support and communication. While I take responsibility for my choices, lots of things that happened to me I did not choose and I did not make some of those painful things happen.

It is so very difficult for all of us to get past these patterns of behavior that have been in our families for generations. I know how very hard it is because I have done it. The parents and the children are hurting and nobody can talk to each other or give each other emotional support. The problems seem to get worse with every generation and if one remains silent then one allows the pain to continue and the darkness to win. Then you wonder why so many go seeking food for comfort, seeking the bottle as a friend or seeking drugs as a way to numb their pain. These "friends" make us feel better for a time. Better than we can in the world where we find no love or comfort most of the time. The turning point comes when these "friends" become the enemy instead of the comforter.

Right now I am also very, very angry at God. I don't understand why He allows this suffering and how He sees this world. Are we divine children of God, some greenhouse experiment to raise beautiful flowers from pain or rebellious children who only learn from pain and suffering? Must we choose our divinity over our humanity through the suffering in this world? Maybe that is the beauty of our free will and in exercising our free will we are able to make choices for ourselves without being controlled. I know that I don't want evil but I'm angry at God at the moment. All I ever wanted to do was to touch God and know that He was really there in more than mere words and for Him to be real in my heart, no disrespect to His son meant here. That's all I ever wanted and I wonder how He could let me be tricked. I wonder how He could let me be hurt so badly. I wonder how He thought that mere words could be enough for me in this world that was so lonely for me. I needed to be able to feel His love. I was only ever looking for Him and love. He is the first one that lets me be angry and express my anger without walking away or getting mad at me for being upset or telling me not to be angry. For that alone, I respect Him for listening to me. What I feel from Him is a rock solid strength that I can now depend upon to let me know where I stand and who will tell me the truth without getting angry. I think maybe I also got so angry because, in addition to my hurt in this world, I wanted to see if He would stay or leave me. He stayed.

I was a perfect example of being a FINE product of the emotional environment or lack thereof in parts of this world and I don't seem to be alone. I don't think many of us can continue on the way were are going without making some changes.

The silence is deafening sometimes and there is a very large elephant in the room that everybody seems to be trying to ignore...too afraid to mention it because it has gotten that large over the years. So big in some instances that it seems much easier just to let him walk through the room without anyone daring to go there. This is sad. This is tragic.





                                                   




For those of you who made it this far...FINE means F**ked up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional in outpatient circles...

What can we do?

A healthy emotional upbringing is just as important as any physical or spiritual upbringing in life.

Many times, I wished that I had never been born because of the intense emotional pain, loneliness, isolation, lack of emotional support and a definite inability to reach out to and feel comfortable with other people. As a result of all that I have seen, experienced and have learned I feel that many of us could definitely use some improvement in the emotional and communication departments of life. I think education and teaching new skills would go a long way in helping to reduce depression, emotional suffering, suicide and other symptoms of mental [spiritual] illness in our society. This would also include a reduction in drug and alcohol addiction and addictions to legal painkillers and other medications because we would be able to handle our emotional life in a healthier manner.

It starts with us and with what we teach our children and with what they teach their children….and so on down the line.

Break the cycle of suffering and silence in your family. If not for your family - do it for yourself.

                                                

Emotions are like the water. They come and go and they cycle up and down and in and out but they are beautiful and a very important part of our lives. Let them flow and get a little messy at times and try to let the beauty of life shine through in all its majesty and glory. If we cannot feel our feelings then we cannot live fully.

Instead of cutting into our education and school funding budgets so deeply let's take some of the money that people and insurance companies spend on medical and health costs and funnel it into the schools. Let's start teaching our young children and adults about better nutrition, how to live healthier, practical living, budgeting and the cost of living outside the home, how to conduct job interviews, prepare resumes and handle checking and savings accounts.

We know that lots of us aren't getting good emotional life skills at home. How about teaching kids and young adults in school that their feelings are okay and that there is nothing wrong with them. How about letting them know that they DO NOT need to be medicated for the rest of their lives.

How about lost cost programs to help people learn these skills or get group counseling? I think that this would that save money in the long run by lowering medical bills? Do you think that spending money to put these programs into schools would be cheaper in the long run and save huge costs on prescriptions, hospitalizations, rehab and end of life medical problems, among other things.

How about teaching our kids IN SCHOOL about how to resolve conflict, how to communicate in a healthier manner with others, better coping skills, what is abuse and what is not abuse, how to set boundaries, how to protect oneself, how to deal with anger and other things. How about role playing to help them learn these skills. How about us supporting our children instead of only giving them medication. We give them medications because we do not know how to handle our own feelings and emotions - how about we learn as well so that we don't have to give our kids psych meds.

This might save money, improve society and cut down on drug use, alcoholism, physical and sexual abuse, domestic violence, anorexia, bulimia, mental illness...

I spent about 18 months in an outpatient program with group therapy, learning new skills, etc. I went 3 hours a day, 3 times a week for 18 months. It took about one year for what they were teaching us to start to come together and another six months before I felt comfortable with those skills and starting to use them in my life. Don't you think that seems a small amount of time, at a minimum, for a healthier society? Spread that out over five or six years as part of the health education studies for our young ones.

How about we put creativity and physical education back in school.

I don't see that continuing to plug the holes in a leaky levee will help us much longer. Causes, not problems, could be addressed and I think it would be a lot less costly in the long run and I'm no expert at all in economics or politics.

Please also see the following article for more information:

http://www.uic.edu/orgs/convening/resistan.htm
"What Makes Change so Difficult?" by Barry Greenwald, Ph.D.

*************************


Our society has institutionalized drug abuse among our children. Worse yet, we abuse our children with drugs rather than making the effort to find better ways to meet their needs. In the long run, we are giving our children a very bad lesson--that drugs are the answer to emotional problems. We are encouraging a generation of youngsters to grow up relying on psychiatric drugs rather than on themselves and other human resources.

                                                                                                                                                Peter Breggin,M.D.

http://antipsychiatry.org/ritalin.htm

Vital Information About Ritalin, Attention Deficit-Hyperactivity Disorder and the Politics Behind the ADHD/Ritalin Movement. Summarized from Talking Back to Ritalin by Peter R. Breggin, M.D.

                                                 


******************************************


I try not to be insensitive or seem uncaring about your pain. 

Believe me. I know ALL TOO WELL how hard life is for you, how you are doing the best that you can and how life can be so overwhelming.

It’s just that I no longer am stuck there and I do find it difficult to remember what life was like then. I know ALL TOO WELL what it is like to face just about every demon in my life and what it is exactly to face my fears, face my pain, my sorrow, my grief and everything else for I have done little else over the last ten years.

I also know what it is like to feel that nobody cares.

It was for me, a do or die situation and that is why I have tried so hard to get better. I wanted to live.

 

It’s hard to hear others tell me that I am uncaring when my whole life and my days go into trying to help others get better or to help them find a way out of their madness. I find this wanting to help others is my passion in life and for me, too few seem to care what I even have to say or to want to listen because then they too might have to face their own lives.

My apologies if I seem uncaring. I do care and that is why this whole site was created.I do care about you and others in this world. I do understand your pain, your hardships and that you are doing the best that you can.

         Instead of watching you try to survive, I would like to see you live your life to the fullest.

 

**********


If our lives are going to be at all worthy, it will be because of two factors: What we aim for in life and recognizing who we are. The first may be simply described by saying, "You gotta have high hopes," and we can have no higher aim in life than to do the will of the Father. The second can be understood by grasping why psychologists keep trying to persuade parents to work to build their children's self-esteem. They have observed that, if children do not think they are anything or can do anything, are of no value and unloved, or have absolutely no skills, they will not do anything. They will spend their lives cowering in self-pity and spinning their wheels in ineffective, low-level activity. [emphasis added]

http://www.cgg.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/Library.sr/CT/PERSONAL/k/757/The-Elements-of-Motivation-Part-Five-Who-We-Are.htm

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Peter R. Breggin, MD: How to Help Deeply Disturbed Persons—Fourth in the" Simple Truth

There are very, very good solutions to helping disturbed people, but they run counter to the drug companies, to the government programs, to organized medicine. We need the public to be demanding these things. [like Soteria House].

….

and they have a saying that schizophrenia exists between the members of the family and they [open diaglogues and caring, family-oriented programs] are so effective that they rarely use psychiatric drugs …. They have been so effective that the rate of schizophrenia is down to almost zero.

….

We are not ignorant about how to help people. …. But we need you, the public, to say “this is what we want, we want caring havens to go to when we are in desperation.”  [emphasis added]

                                                                                                                               Peter Breggin, M.D. (Psychiatrist)

https://www.youtube.com/user/PeterBreggin

Go to 16:00 in the video and listen to the rest.

***

To commence Children's Mental Health Week (February 8-14) in the U.K., the Duchess of Cambridge is calling for stronger support for children's emotional well-being. In partnership with Place2BE, an organization that provides emotional support to children in school, Kate Middleton, a vocal supporter of adolescent issues, sat down to discuss the importance of providing young students with the assistance to "cope with life's challenges."

"Every child deserves to grow up knowing their potential and feeling confident that they won't fall at the first hurdle," The Duchess began. "With early support, they can learn to manage their emotions and feelings and know when to seek help," she later added.

http://www.harpersbazaar.com/celebrity/latest/a14103/kate-middleton-video-message-childrens-mental-health-week/

***

                    

The most memorable feature of his illness, though, was not the storm within his mind but the lull in his eyes. The word moni means “gem” in Bengali, but in common usage it also refers to something ineffably beautiful: the shining pinpricks of light in each eye. But this was precisely what was missing in Moni. The twin points of light in his eyes had dulled and nearly vanished, as if someone with a minute brush had painted them gray.

http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2016/03/28/the-genetics-of-schizophrenia

   This is the dimming of the spirit and is reflected in the light, or the lack thereof, in the eyes.


                                                                             


 

 

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