Save Our Spirits



Dedicated to helping you get in touch with your spirit and with life again.
Dedicated to promoting wellness and a sense of being whole in all areas of our lives.
Dedicated to helping people live their lives joyfully, strongly, fully and freely.

Become whole. Become who you are in the here and now.
Become who you were created to be - a reflection of love.
   Heal your body.      Heal your mind.      Heal your soul.
 

Specific Skills




 
                                    
                                            SKILLS THAT HELP US FEEL
AND DEAL WITH LIFE
BETTER



I decided to put some of the skills that might help us all in one location.



If our lives are going to be at all worthy, it will be because of two factors: What we aim for in life and recognizing who we are. The first may be simply described by saying, "You gotta have high hopes," and we can have no higher aim in life than to do the will of the Father. The second can be understood by grasping why psychologists keep trying to persuade parents to work to build their children's self-esteem. They have observed that, if children do not think they are anything or can do anything, are of no value and unloved, or have absolutely no skills, they will not do anything. They will spend their lives cowering in self-pity and spinning their wheels in ineffective, low-level activity. [emphasis added]

http://www.cgg.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/Library.sr/CT/PERSONAL/k/757/The-Elements-of-Motivation-Part-Five-Who-We-Are.htm




ANGER: anger lets us know that we are hurt, ashamed or that something is not working.

 

http://www.asktheinternettherapist.com/articles/anger-management/    Anger Management: Anger Issues and Types of Anger.”

http://www.emotionalcompetency.com/anger.htm    “Anger: an urgent please for justice and action.”

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/201    “Dealing with anger and guilt after a suicide [Dr. Phil].”

www.youtube.com/watch?v=yO43k06x-4U&feature=related

“How To Control Your Anger: Two Questions To Ask Yourself” by Recovering Engineer.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbDwf7B6swU

“How to Do Anger Work” by UnificationDotCom.

 


BOUNDARIES: boundaries help us protect ourselves and let others know where we stand.


Boundaries are like lines and fences around us. They can be thick or thin. They can have spaces to let others in or no spaces to keep others out. They can be clearly defined, not so clear, rigid, flexible or otherwise not defined. Boundaries helped me to state and figure out my likes and dislikes. Boundaries helped me to feel safe and to protect myself. Boundaries helped me define who I am. Boundaries helped me to feel stronger. Boundaries let others know where I stand.

http://alwayswellwithin.com/2011/09/18/vulnerability-and-protection/  “Vulnerability and Self-Protection.” This article gives some tips on how to protect yourself and help yourself be stronger.

 

www.cuddlegroup.com/other/learn/boundaries.html   A discussion of the four types of boundaries: physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. What they are and how we set boundaries. 

www.joy2meu.com/Personal_Boundaries.htm
  Article on setting personal boundaries, communicating those boundaries, protecting the self with the boundaries and emotional honesty.


How to deal with people who drain your energy

There is a very common, yet subtle, way that many people drain energy. If you are a person who ignores your own feelings and who does not take care of your own needs, then it is likely that you have an empty hole inside you. Empty holes are like vacuums - they want to get filled. Even if you don't overtly pull on others for attention or approval, your empty hole is a pull on their energy. Because you are not taking care of your own needs for love, attention and approval, you are automatically pulling on others for their love, attention and approval. Or, you might be pulling on them for affection or sex as a way to get your empty hole filled. When they pull back, you are left wondering what you did wrong.

http://www.helium.com/items/348486-how-to-deal-with-people-who-drain-your-energy

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http://www.wikihow.com/Stand-up-for-Yourself      How to Stand Up for Yourself

Standing up for yourself can be challenging if you're used to letting others have their way or you're a people pleaser. When you trim yourself down to suit everyone else, it's all too easy to whittle yourself away; learning to stand up for yourself is a way of ensuring other people respect you and don't try to push you around or manipulate you. Unlearning the old habits of self-effacement and gaining the confidence to stand up for yourself won't happen overnight but the journey to improvement starts with the first step;

 

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Victim consciousness can make a person say, be and do everything to please others, without regard for their own needs. Living with the sole purpose to give to others leaves a person without their own needs being met. Even though the person thinks they are doing the right thing by serving others, they have abandoned themselves. This abandonment can then lead to an inner desire to lash out and hurt others in both covert and overt ways. It is at this precise point that the victim can switch roles and become the victimizer.
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Katzman1.html

NO MORE VICTIM: STAND UP FOR YOURSELF IN LIFE by Shoshanna Katzman 
There is a way to get out of this victim trap. Although once out of a victim predicament you must always be on guard for future abusive situations. One of the keys to recovery is to speak your truth and do things you really want to do. In other words, learning to say no when you really feel no. Stop going through life saying and doing everything to please someone else and in addition, stop caring whether they like it or not. I call this newly empowered self “victim in recovery.”

 http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Katzman1.html

How—And How Not—to Stand Up for Yourself by Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201209/how-and-how-not-stand-yourself


Conflict

Here is an article about how to handle conflict or disagreements in a healthy way, which is something many of us could use more practice with in our lives.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/mikemyatt/2012/02/22/5-keys-to-dealing-with-workplace-conflict/

5 Keys of Dealing with Workplace Conflict (or conflict in general for that matter).

"While you can try and avoid conflict (bad idea), you cannot escape conflict. The fact of the matter is conflict in the workplace is unavoidable. It will find you whether you look for it (good idea – more later) or not. The ability to recognize conflict, understand the nature of conflict, and to be able to bring swift and just resolution to conflict will serve you well as a leader – the inability to do so may well be your downfall."



Co-dependency

www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmKMXe3nRTA&feature=related

“Top-10 Ways to Identify Co-Dependency” by AtTheWellMinistries.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wQBfuMVkmM&feature=related

“Top-10 Actions to Break Co-Dependency [Part 1]” by AtTheWellMinistries.


DBT or DIALECTICAL BEHAVIOR THERAPY: new coping skills to help reduce stress.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hy7R3H_Nz8g                            “My First Day of DBT” by LinzBelle.


www.dbtselfhelp.com             DBT. Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Handouts, worksheets, lessons and research articles. The core of the therapy is mindfulness. Crisis survival skills for emotional regulation. You can do this alone or in group therapy.



Emotional Abuse

 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=el3g35rfLso&feature=related

     “10 Obvious Signs of Emotionally Abusive Relationships” by maxvideoxz.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOmsMzUbh3k
                                                                                                                                           
“How to Cope With Emotional Abuse” by ecounseling.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTQy7zjUGvk&feature=related
                                                                                                                           “Recognising Emotional Abuse --- Deal With It”by ChangingPost.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT-ljRgZb8I&feature=relmfu
                                                                                                                             
“Emotional Abuse Blog –Notice the Patterns”by ChangingPost.


Emotional Eating 



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2d2NChuHnc

"Am I Hungry? Workshop 3 - It’s Not About the Food” by amihungrydoctor.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jABODOi0kM 
                                                                                                                                                  
“Am I Hungry? Workshop 8 - Self-Care Buffer Zone” by amihungrydoctor.




Energy Clearing and Cleansing


http://www.mkprojects.com/fa_CleansingAndEnergizing.htm           The Importance of keeping the aura or energy field of the body clean and tidy and some ways to cleanse and energize your energy field.



Here is another cleansing technique along a similar line:

http://www.whale.to/b//dor60.htm                     "Cleansing the etheric web after a long day in the saddle…”

Take a shower.         Swim in the ocean or other forms of clean water.         Laughing helps a lot to clear out old stuff.



Life and Emotional Skills

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1CiNGVAkBM        

 

“Nine essentials most parents aren’t teaching their kids. (Are YOU?)” by geracacn.

  1. Personal and social AWARENESS
  2. Spiritual (awareness and) growth and their life purpose
  3. About their personality subselves (Lesson 1) [on breakthecycle.org]
  4. Self respect
  5. Social respect (tolerance)
  6. To be aware of and USE all emotions
  7. Effective communication (Lesson 2)
  8. How to grieve (Lesson 3)
  9. To accept limitations and learn from their mistakes.

 

Dr. Gerlach’s web site is www.breakthecycle.org.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcaEupzFzY0        Standing Up For Others – [a video for teens and young adults]

 

 Love and Emotional Support

 


MINDFULNESS: this helps us bring awareness and new coping skills into our lives.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eec_SA6oSEA&feature=relmfu                        

 

                                                                                                                        “Marsha Linehan - Mindfulness Skills &DBT I” by FACESConferences

www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1ceBmqZnSI&feature=related                
    
                                                                                                                        “Marsha Linehan - Mindfulness Skills & DBT II” by FACESConferences.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTWITUGhDZs&feature=related            

                                                                                                                                             
“Marsha Linehan - Mindfulness Skills & DBT III” by FACESConferences.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoLKQLvGylQ&feature=related                  
 

                                                                                                                    “Marsha Linehan - Mindfulness Skills & DBT IV” by FACESConferences.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFYGEbDzjnM&feature=relmfu          

                                                                                                                    “Marsha Linehan - Mindfulness Skills & DBT V” by FACESConferences.


www.dbtselfhelp.com         DBT. Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Handouts, worksheets, lessons and research articles. The core of the therapy is mindfulness. Crisis survival skills for emotional regulation. You can do this alone or in group therapy.

 

Talking to God

            God listens to anyone who believes in him. In this case, religious denomination isn't important; as long as 
            someone believes in God, he listens. Even people feeling great despair and unworthiness find
comfort  
            praying and cultivating their own personal relationship with God. If you need help beginning a prayer dialog, 
            there are certain steps you can take.


Read more: How to Talk to God When You Are Feeling Unworthy | eHow.com
http://www.ehow.com/how_2263140_talk-god-feeling-unworthy.html#ixzz2SSoiFftf



All you need to talk to God is love and a desire to share with God. Just start talking and then learn to listen. It's that simple.


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Just a few examples of unhealthy behavior. We are all learning here but some of the things I learned in the outpatient program were how to define healthy and unhealthy behaviors, patterns and relationships, among other things. Some things I didn't even know would be considered neglect or abuse so it was very helpful to have the counselor show me exactly what abuse and neglect were in some instances. Just because we grew up with some behaviors does not mean that  behaviors or habits are healthy or that they help us to have better relationships, handle conflict, rejection, failure, losses, grief, death or deal with life any better.

 

Not talking to someone when you are mad at them. Not saying anything or telling the other person what is bothering you.

Lying to another person about your feelings.

Kicking the dog when you are mad at someone instead of telling them you are angry.

Verbal abuse. Calling someone names. Emotional abuse.

Physical and sexual abuse.






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The Institute of HeartMath is an internationally recognized nonprofit research and education organization dedicated to helping people reduce stress, self-regulate emotions and build energy and resilience for healthy, happy lives. HeartMath tools, technology and training teach people to rely on the intelligence of their hearts in concert with their minds at home, school, work and play.

 http://www.heartmath.org/   


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Winch, Guy, Emotional First Aid: Practical Strategies for Treating Failure, Rejection, Guilt, and Other Everyday Psychological Injuries, New York, NY, Hudson Street Press, 2013.

 

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When scientists examined 551 cases in which men killed their wives, they found that almost half occurred in response to real or imminent separations.  Indeed, men who murder their wives often later admit to being unable to deal with the rejection they felt.

Studies of school shootings, including the 1999 Columbine tragedy, found that thirteen of fifteen incidents involved perpetrators who had experienced significant interpersonal rejection and ostracism from schoolmates. In many cases, shooters specifically targeted students who had bullied, teased, or rejected them in the past, often seeking them out first.

Winch, Guy, Emotional First Aid: Practical Strategies for Treating Failure, Rejection, Guilt, and Other Everyday Psychological Injuries, New York, NY, Hudson Street Press, 2013, pg. 10.

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So, how about teaching ourselves and our kids some new emotional life skills?


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Some workbooks some of you might want to take a look at sometime:

Here are some suggestions for workbooks that some people might want to consider. I have used workbooks and those are included here. The workbooks listed here but not in any other category in this book section are those which I have not used. Since I found the workbooks I used helpful, I decided to add a list some of the workbooks available that could be helpful for you. I do not make any recommendations as to any of these products because I have not used these sources. I am only listing them so that people know that this is yet another option to help themselves. I think that some of these workbooks offer ways to learn coping skills, or how to cope with stress and handle life’s challenges, learning about self-esteem, learning boundaries, learning how to manage your anger, your trauma and many other subjects, if one is willing to take the time and the effort to help themselves. Some of these skills can be learned with the help of trained counselors, psychologists and in group therapy and outpatient programs. I think it becomes an individual choice as to what works best for each person and how they want to go about their recovery. These books offer one more option and they are put together by professionals with experience.

I used workbooks for anger, self-esteem and DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) to a small extent as well as a journal to help me. I used the journal a lot and I found it was a good way to get my feelings out of me. I also wrote on the computer, wrote letters but never mailed (for the most part, some I did) and just the very simple act of getting the feelings out made a big difference and helped me to work through my feelings. I made drawings of my dreams and what I thought my anger or feelings looked like. I also talked and talked and talked to God and to myself on a daily basis. That made a big difference.

I located these workbooks on www.Amazon.com.  Since this is only a small sampling of what is available, I suggest taking a look around at the selection and inside each book first before purchasing to see if it would interest you. Most of the time you can browse through the beginning of the book, including the table of contents, the foreward and perhaps the first chapter. While I do believe that learning new skills and other techniques help to manage depression, ultimately I believe that it is a matter of what your spirit is trying to tell you. Each of your symptoms is an attempt to convey a message to you from yourself about what is happening. Medications, drugs, alcohol, shock therapy or any other substance or method that dulls your pain, damages your brain and disconnects you from yourself will buy you time but the symptoms will keep trying to surface in some way.  If one continues to numb or block out the symptoms pretty soon you will not be able to feel much of anything. It is possible to learn to deal with the pain and get stronger. I feel that until you discover what is causing your pain that you will only continue to manage symptoms and never really fully recover from your illness. I think that these workbooks can help you begin to get in touch with yourself and what you really feel and how to protect yourself and that is a very good start.

Copeland, Mary Ellen, and McKay, Matthew, The Depression Workbook: A Guide for Living with Depression and Manic Depression, Second Edition, Oakland, CA, New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 2001.

Copeland, Mary Ellen and Haris, Maxine, Healing the Trauma of Abuse: A Woman’s Workbook, a gentle step-by-step guide, Oakland, CA, New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 2000.

 
             David, Martha, The Relaxation & Stress Reduction Workbook, Oakland, CA, New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 2008.

 
             Knaus, William J., The Cognitive Behavioral Workbook for Depression, Oakland, CA, New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 2006.

 

McKay, Matthew & Rogers, Peter, The Anger Control Workbook, Simple, innovative techniques for managing anger and developing healthier ways of relating, Oakland, CA, New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 2000.

 

McKay, Matthew, Wood, Jeffrey and Brantley, Jeffrey C., The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook, Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation and Distress Tolerance, Oakland, CA, New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 2007. 

 

Petracek, Laura J., The Anger Workbook For Women, How to Keep Your Anger from Undermining Your Self-Esteem, Your Emotional Balance, and Your Relationships, Oakland, CA, New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 2004.

 

Schiradli, Glenn R., The Self-Esteem Workbook, Oakland, CA, New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 2001.


             

Schiraldi, Glenn R., The Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook, New York, NY, McGraw-Hill, 2000.

 

             Starlanyl, Devin J., and Copeland, Mary Ellen, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Myofascial Pain: A Survival Manual (2nd Edition)
             Oakland, CA,  New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 2000.

    

Williams, Mary Beth, The PTSD Workbook: Simple Effective Techniques for Overcoming Traumatic Stress Symptoms, Oakland, CA, New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 2002.

 

 

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http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/7-habits-of-people-with-remarkable-mental-toughness.html

 

                                7 Habits of People With Remarkable Mental Toughness by Jeff Haden



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Since words, thoughts and the mind are so very important, this book might help:

Meyer, Joyce, Battlefield of the Mind: Winning the Battle in your Mind, New York, NY, Faith Words Hachette Book Group, 1995.


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https://www.joycemeyer.org/        Also go to Joyce Meyer's web site for lots of resources, information and other helpful things.

She has put out a cd on The Power of Words that many people might find useful.

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Try www.kerryshook.org    for some helpful information and courses on how to resolve marriage conflicts and have better relationships.

I will get more info here later.

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Go to Dr. Phil's website for information and resources.

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http://djchuang.com/2008/what-is-emotional-maturity/

what is emotional maturity?

Emotionally mature people accept responsibility for their actions. They don’t look for excuses for their behavior. There may be reasons or circumstances why emotionally mature people act in an irresponsible way, but they don’t waste time making all kinds of excuses. Emotionally mature people don’t feel victimized by circumstances or other people. Even when circumstances or events are difficult, they deal with them without resorting to blaming others. … It becomes the responsibility of the individual to overcome difficult circumstances that were not really the fault of that person.

 

 

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