Save Our Spirits



Dedicated to helping you get in touch with your spirit and with life again.
Dedicated to promoting wellness and a sense of being whole in all areas of our lives.
Dedicated to helping people live their lives joyfully, strongly, fully and freely.

Become whole. Become who you are in the here and now.
Become who you were created to be - a reflection of love.
   Heal your body.      Heal your mind.      Heal your soul.
 

Feel your feelings...

   LEARNING TO FEEL AND TO BE COMFORTABLE WITH YOUR FEELINGS....BEING REAL...






















































































































































Okay, so this might be the part that makes you want to squirm, cause those pesky feelings are what are giving you so much trouble and making you feel so uncomfortable to begin with...
but, if you cannot feel your feelings and get used to what you are feeling then how will you know what is making you depressed or angry or sad or happy or ... anything for that matter?

This isn't all about pain or suffering. If you are trying to block out, numb or deny your pain then you might be blocking out all of the fun, joy, laughter and the best stuff life has to offer you. I learned that in my trying to avoid more suffering that I was actually blocking myself from feeling everything. This is surviving instead of living and it is not a very fun place to be in life. This is when the depression starts to get worse and worse because one is holding everything inside then.

Confused? So was I because I had been stuffing myself and my feelings down for years and years....not a very nice place to be and very painful in fact.

I think that most of us are okay with feeling the happy things in our life, the easy things the feelings we are comfortable with but what about the feelings that we are uncomfortable with and that we are not sure how to handle such as anger, rage, conflict, fear, grief, pain, sorrow, jealousy, hurt, shame and any other feeling that makes us uncomfortable. I know that I never really felt okay to be me and that included expressing my feelings or being able to be real in any way. As a result, I got really messed up to put it bluntly and my relationships with myself and others in this world suffered a great deal.

I tried to block out the pain, hurt and confusion but what ended up happening is that I blocked everything out, including those feelings which I enjoyed and especially, love. Everything I was holding on to inside kept me from living fully, breathing fully, loving fully and feeling God. If I couldn't feel anything other than pain, then how could I feel God. I had to learn to let go and be comfortable with what I was feeling in order to be able to listen to God for He speaks the language of love and through love, not fear or pain or anything that is not of love. It was also God's love, or love in general, that soothed my soul. Nothing else worked like love as far as soothing my soul or strengthening my spirit.

Most of my difficulty and what caused me to be literally "stuck in the past" was because I was holding on to so much stuff inside of me. Because I didn't know how to communicate well with others I was holding on to all of this old energy, including pain, fear and the like. I couldn't let go of things because they were literally still inside of me as the energy. Once I started to learn to really feel and release the energies I was able to release the past little by little. Later, by learning new skills, I no longer held so much inside of me anymore because I am able to talk with others or deal with my feelings in a healthier manner. Thus, I am no longer stuck in the past and I am free to be in the present moment. I'm not perfect at dealing with others but I don't hold on to the anger or anything else like I did before and thus it doesn't stick with me for the most part.

I think that if we can learn how to have a connection with ourself and our Creator when we are young and learn good skills then we won't have to worry about holding on to a lot of stuff. I also think that maybe if someone can learn new skills and let love into their life then they might not have to go into all the pain in order to release the past and recover like I did. I think that it would be much easier if you can let love or God's love into your life.These are only some thoughts. I cannot go back and do my journey over again and so I just want to put these ideas down in case anyone wants to try a different way and see what happens. Maybe if I could have let love into my life first then I would not have had to go through what I did in order to recover. It could be much easier for you than for me but I did it in the way that I needed to for myself. Only you can figure out what you need.

One of the hardest emotions for me to deal with, and it still is difficult, is anger. I don't feel that I ever really learned to be okay with anger. I was attacked by an angry man. I learned that anger meant abandonment and so I learned not to let anyone know that I was angry and I never really learned how to resolve conflict and work out problems.

I had been denying my feelings, living in fear and stuffing myself down in so many ways that I was almost paralyzed with the energy that was stuck inside of me. Indeed, the depression was very severe. I think this is because I had everything locked inside of me. I didn't have good relationship and people skills, I was scared and I didn't really have any emotional support.

For most of my life, I was never comfortable with my feelings. It didn’t seem okay to have any or express them at all. I think this is one of the biggest contributors to my depression and other difficulties in life. After all, if I was not comfortable with my feelings and who I was, how would I manage in this world to have successful relationships at work, at home, in love or friendship or anything else?


FEELING, for me, is the key to releasing the old stuff and energy and emotions. I had to feel it to release the stuff. Just saying it or talking about it helps to get there but the true release of energy and a situation comes when I really feel the feelings and let them go. If I wasn't able to really feel what was I was feeling, the energy did not leave. It stayed with me until I felt able to go into the feeling, be with it and then release it. Learning to feel was an uncomfortable but welcome process. Feeling is the key to living again but I need to be comfortable with feeling everything. If I tried to block out some kind of pain, anger, guilt, shame, trauma, whatever it might be, then I also blocked out all of the other feelings including love and happiness.

Life is about the full range of feelings and emotions and part of the recovery process is learning to feel and release your emotions, be real and to be able to be yourself and show others who you are as a person. Living is about feeling everything – the happy, joyful, fun, love, laughing and the grief, sorrow, anger, rage and everything else. Anything less is surviving, not living fully. It is okay to be sad. It is okay to be angry. It is okay to be confused, to be lost, to feel alone. Every one of your feelings is valid and they are okay. It doesn't mean that we let our emotions control us but rather we are comfortable enough so that we can be okay with what we are feeling and expressing those feelings. It is the stuffing down and not acknowledging of your feelings that creates the depression and other symptoms.

One of the best examples I can give to you is that I discovered that much fear for me was excitement that had been thwarted. Some of the fear was from the trauma and was very real. Some fear is necessary because it can be a warning of danger. Some of my fear was excitement or love that was not allowed to be expressed and thus my enthusiasm for love soon started to turn to fear instead of excitement.

My depression started being severe when I was in my teens. I would get angry and very angry as teens can be but since I was not allowed to express my opinions and I felt that my anger would lead to abandonment by those I loved, I stuffed the anger down and I said nothing. I wanted the love and the attention and so I stuffed my anger. As a result, I noticed that I started to get very depressed after two or three days of being really angry and that the depression would last for about three days. It was severe and in direct proportion to the anger that I had been feeling. I started to notice a pattern but since I didn't know how to handle my anger in a healthy manner or what to do I just continued to stuff the anger and all of my feelings more and more as time went by. Over the years my depression and other symptoms became worse and worse. The traumas happened in my teens and my early twenties and so that set the stage for the mental difficulties. I didn't know there were healthier ways to have relationships and handle my feelings. After years and years of doing it this way I finally broke and pretty much had a breakdown.


One of the first ways that I helped myself to get in touch with what I was feeling was using a journal, writing and drawing to help me figure out what was going on in my body and my mind. Journaling has been used for a while by counselors to help people get in touch with their feelings. I found this to be true and that drawing, in addition to journaling, really helped me a great deal.  Sometimes if I couldn't figure out what was really going on, drawing helped me to put some of the pieces together.


Journal
ing is highly recommended by therapists for those suffering from mental illness and it can be an important tool in fighting depression. Journaling can release pent-up thoughts and feelings and enable you to understand your emotions and therefore becomes a therapeutic way to work through those thoughts that lead to your depression.[1]

While some people may not like to write, I find writing soothing and it helped me to get my feelings out of me. While writing did not get rid of the feelings, it helped to get the energy out. I think that my lack of skills with communicating my feelings led to me going over a situation over and over again in my mind in an attempt to resolve the situation; however, for me, I just ended up tying myself in knots because I felt unable to tell the other person how I felt. This went on for years and years and I‘m sure contributed to me having so much energy locked up inside of me. It seems that the energy was inside of me but it never left for the most part.




Try this experiment to start if you are up to it.

http://www.examiner.com/article/the-healing-sound-of-ah     “The healing sound of ah?”


“The ‘AH’ [heart] Sound.” This sound helps to clear the heart area. Give it a try and see how it feels. Notice that this sound is in the words God, Allah, Yahweh, Yeshua, and many others. Do you think this is a coincidence?


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When I was able to finally clear out the fear energy from my heart and resolve it in my own mind, my life changed dramatically. I can breathe again. I can laugh. I feel like I can really live again and be genuinely happy. This is truly a wonderful feeling. It took effort but, wow, was it ever worth the time.

 



Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding... And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy” 
 
                                                                                        ―
Khalil Gibran




Here are a couple of articles that talk about the basics of learning to feel:

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/learning-to-feel.html
 "Learning to feel."

www.health-science-spirit.com/learntofeel.html
"Learning to Feel" by Walter Last Some practical exercises for learning to feel your feeling, how we build armor around us to protect us, mirror exercises, feeling exercises, letting go exercises, emotions and body language and much, much more. Give this a go."

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationships/2011/03/why-pushing-past-limiting-beliefs-to-feel-your-feelings-is-worth-the-pain/    Search for “Why pushing past  limiting beliefs to feel your feelings is worth the pain.”


The heart is the opening to ourselves, our spirits and to our connection with God. I found that if I focused my attention in the heart, and this took some practice, then that is where I find the connection with God and His love, which is the basis for my method of recovery.

I had to remove or release the fear, pain, grief and everything else that I was holding on to in my heart but this was done by letting love in. The energy of love comes into the heart and the body and kind of, like any relationship based on love, brings everything to the surface for healing. The BEST feeling was after I released all of the fear and found that my heart was clear and full of love and a connection with God. I have never felt this good in my entire life.



God...whispers...

                                
                                

The Kingdom of God is inside us when “we keep in ourselves the seeds and principles of truth that have been sowed in our soul….Thus, e)nto\j u(mw=n is understood as “in the interiority of your soul.” In his Homilies on Luke, 36, preserved in Latin, Origen specifically deals with Luke 17:21 and interprets e)nto\j u(mw=n as “inside you,” and precisely “in your heart:”[1]



[1] http://syrcom.cua.edu/hugoye/Vol12No2/HV12N2Ramelli.pdf, pg. 21.


www.tm.org/blog/enlightened/jesus-christ-kingdom-god-within-you/
  “The Kingdom of God is within you.”


Lots and lots of us have difficulty with our feelings or being comfortable with ourselves. That is because we were never taught how to do so by our parents. I know it hurts badly but it isn't their fault. They were probably raised by their parents in the same manner and most people don't go looking for ways to improve on what is happening even if they are in tremendous pain because it can be very scary to confront what is inside of us. The first step is the hardest though.

I however, couldn't stand it anymore. For me it was either a do or die situation so I went looking for ways to help me heal the pain. Let's start with some articles and videos on emotional abuse and neglect and just get ourselves a little more familiar with what abuse and neglect actually are because some of us know, some of us are a little confused and some of us don't know. I also know that this can be a hard issue to look at. For me, in order to acknowledge that I was emotionally neglected, I also had to acknowledge that most of my life I had either been abused or let myself be abused because I didn't have good boundaries and more importantly, I didn't know the difference in many ways between what was healthy and what was actually neglect or abuse. So, in an effort to just get a little more familiar with what many, many of us are dealing with or trying to deal with, give these articles a look to see if anything sounds familiar to you.

     One definition of emotional neglect focuses on the passivity of the parent. “Such neglect refers
     to the passive ignoring of a child’s emotional needs; to lack of attention and of stimulation; 
     and to parental unavailability to care, to supervise, to guide, to teach, and to protect”. Another 
     definition states, “Emotional neglect occurs when meaningful adults are unable to provide
     necessary nurturance, stimulation, encouragement, and protection to the child at various stages
     of development, which inhibits his/her optimal functioning.
    Read more: http://authspot.com/thoughts/emotional-neglect/#ixzz24Vo5vzZv       

http://www.parentingaz.org/emotional_neglect.asp     
Symptoms of emotional neglect.

http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/whatiscan.cfm 
“What is Child Abuse and Neglect?”
Some definitions for those that may not recognize abuse or neglect.

http://ezinearticles.com/?9-Signs-Emotional-Intimacy-is-Suffering-in-a-Marriage&id=662432
“9 Signs Emotional Intimacy is Suffering in a Marriage” by Sherri Riddle.


   But what do we call it when a depressed, suicidal teenager depends on the 
   Internet for emotional support and the parent takes their Internet away?  
   This week alone three teens have told us their parents have taken away their
   Internet all together, stopped them from going online when they need to, or
   blocked the chat group which they rely on for emotional support.

    http://eqi.org/teens_internet_emotional_neglect.htm

 

http://eqi.org/index.htm
A very useful site for learning about feelings, etc.

http://www.presidioinc.com/newsletter/2000news/2000aprilmay_emotionalneg.htm
Being Hurt . . . by what is not there
Provided by Prevent Child Abuse America
What is Emotional Neglect

http://www.experienceproject.com/groups/A-Victim-Of-Emotional-Neglect/211457
“The Experience  Project.”
“I Am Victim of Emotional Neglect: Personal Stories, Advice, and Support from 166 Members.” Here is a place to share and  to tell your story.

http://www.experienceproject.com/confessions.php
"Confessions: Have a secret?  It’s Time to Come Clean!”

http://www.medhelp.org/tags/show/43634/Emotional-Neglect
“Emotional neglect forum.  Information, symptoms, treatments, resources.”

 


Take a look at this section. These videos have lots of important things to say

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TDogqEmKSE

“Emotional neglect” by Nevcoeducation.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUsKL1JRcR4&feature=related

“Emotional Neglect” by agbw.*****

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgY4aEUYj9k&feature=related
“The Journey from Abandonment to Healing.” [this is about a book]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vMXX1yl6ZU&feature=related
“How to Heal Abandonment Wounds” by zerosecrets.*****

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkNL496LJRw&feature=related
“RECOVERING FROM ABANDONMENT.m4v” by  koanforty.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aqwL7TUQKI&feature=related
“Abandonment & Rejection” by TroyTalks.

 
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I feel that until you have a discussion with yourself and really discover what is causing your pain and the suppression of yourself, that you will only continue to manage symptoms and never really fully recover from your illness.

The more I tried to stuff or get rid of the symptoms, the worse they got and the more medication that was needed to get rid of those symptoms. They would either get worse or show up somewhere else in the body or the mind. Eventually, I could only feel nothing or pain. Eventually, I had nowhere to go except to God. It was either God or suicide and I chose God.


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It is a strange thing this sense of detachment from everyone that I feel inside of me. Because of the trauma, fear, emotional and spiritual neglect and lack of love, I feel very detached from everyone in this world. I feel compassion, love and lots of other things, but no attachment or very little desire to attach or be close to anyone in this world. Sad really but this is what happened to me as a result of the way some things are in this world and the way I grew up. I feel love for God and for Christ and for others but no attachment to anyone. People can come and go in my life and I don’t feel much of anything really anymore in that regard. I still care and I feel life and love much more keenly but I don't have a desire to let others in really. Only God. I can see that without any kind of heart such as evil has no heart, love, or ability or desire to love then one would not care about anything or anyone in this world, at all. This, I think could be one of the reasons that people end up hurting themselves and others so violently in this world. There are other factors involved I am sure, but thankfully, I can feel love for myself and others. That is what saves me in this world. Without it, I would be a shell for evil and destruction to come in. Instead, with love and with God, I find hope and belonging, laughter, life, joy and love again. But what happens to those that have no love?

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    You must feel everything, otherwise the world loses its meaning. 

                                                                                    —Carlos Castaneda

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What the world will look like if we cannot feel:
 

 

       

 

 Watch the movie Equilibrium starring Christian Bale.

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http://dying.about.com/od/filmsandvideos/Films_and_Video_about_Death_Dying_and_Bereavement.htm

A list of movies on death, dying and the grief and mourning that does along with death.

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If our lives are going to be at all worthy, it will be because of two factors: What we aim for in life and recognizing who we are. The first may be simply described by saying, "You gotta have high hopes," and we can have no higher aim in life than to do the will of the Father. The second can be understood by grasping why psychologists keep trying to persuade parents to work to build their children's self-esteem. They have observed that, if children do not think they are anything or can do anything, are of no value and unloved, or have absolutely no skills, they will not do anything. They will spend their lives cowering in self-pity and spinning their wheels in ineffective, low-level activity. [emphasis added]

http://www.cgg.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/Library.sr/CT/PERSONAL/k/757/The-Elements-of-Motivation-Part-Five-Who-We-Are.htm


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Our feelings are important. It isn't about wallowing in them or letting them get out of control. For me however, that was part of the healing but now that I am much more comfortable with what I am feeling, and I know exactly what I am feeling, then life takes on a richer note.

So it was about me becoming comfortable with my feelings and using them for the very valuable too that they are but  not being controlled by my feeling or emotions.

God shows me how to work with and manage this very important part of my life, from the heart, and not all from the mind.

Very important to me anyways.


















 

 

 

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