Save Our Spirits



Dedicated to helping you get in touch with your spirit and with life again.
Dedicated to promoting wellness and a sense of being whole in all areas of our lives.
Dedicated to helping people live their lives joyfully, strongly, fully and freely.

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Anger





ANGER

2005


This is a picture that I drew of my anger one day when I was really, really angry and I couldn’t figure out why. I think that the colors helped me figure out what was going on in my life and how I was feeling. For example, the red, yellow and orange told me that this anger originated in all in the lower chakras and more specifically, the  first and second. The lightning bolts told me that I was really angry and because of the blue, told me that I was afraid to speak about my anger because it wasn’t okay. The black is the negativity surrounding the anger. The green told me that I was trying to heal the anger, which I was at the time. The black outline around told me that I felt like a volcano exploding as I drew this picture and that is what happened at time when I couldn’t contain it any longer. I’m not sure what the “teeth” were trying to tell me other than I was afraid of my anger and the anger of other people. If I recall correctly, the very activity of drawing my anger helped me to figure out where the anger was coming from and why I was angry. My intense anger was covering up the fear, the hurt and the shame that I did not feel able to face yet.

I was angry all the time for a long, long time and I still have difficulty with anger. It doesn’t matter whether it is my anger or someone else’s anger. It had and has a tendency to trigger the trauma that was still inside of me and I would run away every time someone got angry at me of if there was any kind of conflict. That dynamic doesn’t make for healthy relationships and is a definite obstacle. I just couldn’t help it though. It was an angry man that did a lot of damage to me which affected me for many years and affects me and my relationships to this very day.

I was also afraid to make my father angry. He would get mad at people and then not speak to them again because of a lack of skills; however, to a child, making your father angry is not something that you want to do because where would you go if he left you and what would you do?

Lots of this fear of speaking up also comes from a fear of being yourself. Both of my parents had at least one alcoholic parent (fathers) and I think that this contributed to a "better to sit and be quiet and not speak up" kind of action. Not healthy and this stuff gets worse and worse down the family line.

A lack of skills in how to resolve conflict and deal with my anger also creates many difficulties and is one of my biggest challenges and frustrations to this day. I so wish I could have learned this stuff when I was younger. I feel life would have been a whole lot easier.






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